Stop Bitching and Be Happy

I tend to use the second person when I shouldn't.  I apologize, try not to take it personally (if, of course, it doesn't apply to you.  If it does apply to you take it anyway you want.)


No wonder everyone is stressed and feels like shit all the time.  If we are stuck in traffic it ruins our whole morning.  Even if it only amounted to an extra 5 minutes.  But this jackass cut you off, and see what that prick is doing? Where did you people learn how to drive, I can't believe they let you on the road!  It takes a while to calm down from that.  But now we're in that mind cycle.  We get to work and this coworker said this, and my boss hates me or he never would have given me this project...  I hear parents ask small children, "Why are you making this so hard for me?" WHAT?!

• That asshole in traffic, just like you, is overly stressed and late.  Throwing your arms up every time you hit the brakes and a steady flow of profanities will not get you there any faster.  Cars will not magically part like the Red Sea, other drivers will still drive carelessly, and, believe it or not, you will not be any happier.  (Even if those aforementioned things did happen, you would probably just find something else to bitch about.)
• And your coworker may or may not have said what you were told they said.  Honestly, if you're listening to this bullshit and getting mad, my guess is you aren't innocent of the same sort of behavior.  No, I'm not perfect, but I'm working on this specifically.  I'm adopting the attitude that if I know I've done nothing wrong, who cares what's said.  After a while people will notice who is catty, who is insecure, and who is a bitch.  By not getting involved I'll escape the negative judgments from those with a clear perception, and in my opinion, those with an opinion worth caring about.
• Finally, your children are existing.  As kids.  They aren't likely to be doing things with the intention of making your life harder.  And, if you don't like they way they behave, it's your fault.  End of story.  YOU ARE THE PARENT.  I could go on for quite a while on this... but I'll spare you.

 Moving on... it is your fault.  It your fault you never got good at the guitar.  It's your fault your house is a mess.  It's your fault you feel like shit.  It's your fault your fat.  It's your fault your a jerk.  Yes, external factors play into your circumstances, but at some point you become responsible for who you want to be, what you accomplish and how you feel.

• I hear things like, I wish my parents got me a guitar (or dance lessons or science kits...) because then I'd be good at this.  If you wanted it bad enough you would have done it yourself.  And since you didn't, it's probably best that your parents didn't spend all that money on you because chances are if you wouldn't have done it on your own you wouldn't have followed through on it.  (And you wouldn't be able to bitch about it.)
• My house isn't the cleanest house ever.  This is an example.  I hear "I had no time to clean" or " I was so busy" or " I don't get any help."  If it bothers you enough to make excuses you have no reason most of the time to not have accomplished it.  Just do it.  Don't tell me you weren't on the internet or watching TV for 5 hours a day..
• I know a girl who eats fast food a minimum of once a day.  She drinks soda, a lot.  She eats frozen pancakes with a side of something that calls itself sausage... Don't complain about your GERD to me.  My head is screaming, NO FUCKING WONDER YOUR STOMACH BOTHERS YOU!  (Not to mention her kid eats the same way, she is on food stamps and several other state assistance programs... but you can eat out 2 meals a day and get your nails done every couple weeks... I'll stop here.)
• And I hear people make excuses for being angry SOBs.  My parents treated me this way, or I was bullied, or taken advantage of.  YOU decided to behave a certain way.  I've read of and met people who are missing limbs, lost too many loved ones, etc and they are still nice.  Anne Frank said, "I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart."  So you can suck it up.  (Usually I think that if she can feel that way, I have no freakin' excuse, but I'm on a role with this whole second person thing.) 

When was it decided that people were no longer accountable for themselves?  People always have excuses; ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar disorder, crappy circumstances. My uncle is dyslexic and he has his masters.  This was before the helpful programs geared towards those kids.  If you want something, and there is something in the way, just work harder.  The fact that it's not fair is irrelevant. 

There is a difference between acknowledging and enabling.  Just because you are bipolar does not mean to be a complete asshole when you feel like it.  Yes, you operate differently, no, it is not acceptable to flip out violently.  I can't believe the number of people who have told me they were diagnosed with bipolar.  Instead of trying to work with it, it's an excuse.  I can't help but spend all the money I have, be promiscuous, do drugs... I was manic.  No, I can't work, I can't clean, I can't bathe... I was depressed.  No, you didn't take a bath because you didn't feel like it. 


I have been depressed.  Suffice it to say for a long time in a serious way.  I played the pity party card for a while in high school.  Occasionally I feel sorry for myself now, but I am responsible for me.  If I want to be happy, I need to take those steps for myself.  No one else if going to do it.  Even if they could, they have their own issues.  It's about building habits.  You are used to feeling a certain way and coping a certain way.  If you are unhappy look at yourself.  You can't control the world around you, but you can control how you react.  Save yourself the coronary, and start becoming responsible for yourself.

Groucho Marx

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself; I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I chose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

         Found the quote, then set it to a picture I StumbledUpon and set as my desktop background.  I like to post things I find helpful to cultivating the mindset I want around, and the desktop back ground is great for that.

Little Less of a Jerk Than Yesterday

One of my faults is how I let my emotions rule my actions too often.  I get carried away (VAST understatement.)  I can be super defensive, and take offense at things easily.  I am very perceptive when it comes to tone of voice, body language and the wording someone uses.  What I forget is sometimes the person isn't mad at me, and would talk to anyone the same way.

There are a couple of points I'd like to make about giving in to those moments.

One: If someone is needling you, they want that response.  Some times when people are unhappy, they want other people to be unhappy.  Maybe they don't even realize they are doing it.  Don't indulge them.  By arguing with them you are bringing yourself down to their level.  What a waste of your energy, and your emotional well-being suffers for it.

Two: I read a quote at some point that said, "Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference."  It's true.   I get so carried away, and scream louder to make sure I am heard.  People may assume that I'm just a nagging bitch, and feel sorry for the other person.  That sucks, but I had let it happen.


Three: When fighting with someone, I get (again, VAST understatement) I get carried away.  An argument over something ridiculous turns into a full-on, teeth-bared, I-will-rip-you-to-shreds kind of fight.  Even if I was valid in being hurt in the beginning I'll say something so incredibly hurtful that I've lost the upper hand.  I am now just as big of a douche.



 Last night, I was having a conversation with someone whom I love very much.  We get along well a lot of the time, but we are very similar in a few ways. (i.e. our defensiveness and teeth-baring tendencies. - I will NOT be backed into a corner.)  This person was already in an agitated mood.  I was listening, and trying to help this person come to the conclusion that being so hurt and angry over how another person behaved wasn't worth the energy.  This was taken as me being "on the wrong side."

I kept reminding my self that this person whom I love very much was not mad at me.  (Although it started heading that way.)  I tried to explain that I agreed, but could see both sides some-what clearly since I was on the outside of the situation.  That I could understand why there were hurt feeling, and that I didn't believe this person was in the wrong for feeling that way.  We all have a right to be angry, but how much do we allow it to effect ourselves and the people around us?

I tried not to interrupt, and I was trying to be gentle with my words.  There were little comments dropped hear or there.  Nothing so bold as "you're stupid," but a very subtle way with words that implied that my opinion and voice did not matter, nor was it valid.  Am I over-sensitive to these things? You bet.  Was I making it up? No way.

In spite of my efforts to not get hurt over the comments, they did start to hurt.  I would remind myself of my surroundings and the circumstances.  To stay grounded, in the moment.  To not remember every time I've been hurt, or how things would be if we always fought like this.  I stayed in control of my own mind.  Something I don't due often in these situations.  I get carried away sometimes to the point where I can't remember things clearly.  I am so overwhelmed and absorbed in my emotions that I don't know what I said, what was said to me, where I was standing, if I was even standing... you get the picture.  It helps nothing, takes a lot longer to recover from, and is not healthy.

I explained that my feelings were being hurt, and that I was getting frustrated and excused myself from the conversation.  I was told that if I had something worth listening to then the conversation would have been a better one.  I don't believe it would have, but oh well.  I tried not to bite.

I was followed out of the room, and more bold "attacks" of instigation peppered the conversation between us.  I diffused the current instigation bombs by informing my now opponent that I knew I was being tempted to fight back, and that I had no interest in fighting.  Well, at some point I raised my voice to a yell to pretty much say get off my back.  I took several deep breaths and started to pay attention to the things around me to bring myself back to my own head.  I pointed out (quieter, but not as calmly as I would have liked) that the stress from one situation was being allowed to effect OUR relationship.  I mentioned that if every small situation was allowed to have this much reign on a life the person would become utterly exhausted and not truly know up from down.

Usually these fights have a potential to go on for hours, with screaming for the most of it.  This time it was maybe 20 minutes of discomfort.  I can't really speak for the other person, but I can say for myself that there was less to recover from and no feelings of guilt on my part.


If I had known we would have fights like these I may have avoided the relationship.  Mostly because I never confronted anything.  I was suffering for it mentally.  In someways, we are too similar, but it brings about a feeling of understanding I hadn't had in my life before.  And we do put up with each other, it is not a one-sided thing.  Sometimes things aren't as bad as they appear to be.  I am learning a lesson on controlling my self, and being mindful that I may not have learned from some one I didn't love so completely.  It would be easy to avoid.  So for our faults, I still think our relationship is perfect for us.  We are becoming better individuals together, which will give us a relationship that is much fuller than most.  The ties we are constructing are being made of iron, not recycled twist ties that were with in arms length.




Karmic-ally people may be there not to hurt us, but to teach us a lesson.

Quotes on Time

I'm currently working on putting pictures together, and I was looking for quotes to put on some of the pages.  I looked up time, and I found that many of them are very good.  I think when dealing with stress and anxieties how we perceive and manage time makes a huge difference.  Seeing other people word things somehow makes things more cemented to me.  I love quotes.

Here are a few of my favorites:

“We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.”  -Jeremy Irons

“For every minute spent in organizing, an hour is earned.”

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."  -Harvery McKay

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” -Albert Einstein 

(I ♥ Albert Einstein quotes, a lot.)

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” -Steve Jobs

“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...” - Isak Dinesen 

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future” 

“Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.” 

“The time is always right to do what is right.” - Martin Luther King, Jr

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

“We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.” -Alice Bloch

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” - Albert Schweitzer 

“Often times I have hated in self-defense; if I were stronger I would not have used such a weapon.” - Kahlil Gibran  

Chakra Overview

When it comes to researching things on the internet, like chakras, you will find a lot of shit.  There is so much information out there.  I suppose that is true with anything.  I just spent the last half hour going googling chakras and most of it I wouldn't recommend.  Chakras are not new age nonsense, but I couldn't blame you if you believed that.

http://www.medical-look.com/human_anatomy/organs/Spinal_nerves.html

Chakras were written about in the Indian Vedas (an ancient set of doctrines consisting of mostly sacred hymns and rituals for a priest like class in India.)  Chakra is Sanskrit for wheel or disc.  Now that we are more advanced in medicine we now know that these chakras are located by the 7 major nerve ganglia along the spinal column.

I am very excited about this picture to the left.  I found it on a medical site, and it shows what those nerves are connected to.  I have a list I will share of what each chakra involves, as far as I know.

The chakras forms a column in our bodies called the sushumna.

Chakra locations

When I was first learning about the chakras I noticed that the physical and mental connections made a lot of sense.  People I knew where certain physical ailments had the corresponding mental affliction(s).  Eastern medicine (or what I know of it) to me is fascinating: Treating before the physical develops, maintaining energy balance (yin and yang.)  It can be very enlightening in understanding ourselves and others.

Chakra One starts at the base, and they work to the top.

This picture was taken from a site with more information than most people would need.  But it covers a lot of information for people who pretty much already know everything I've posted here.


The following is very limited information.  I intend to put up more information on each chakra at some point.  These are the basics I got off a paper from taking various sorts of classes and my Reiki certification from a wonderful woman I know.


Muladhara

• is located at the base of spine/ perineum.
• It's color is red, corresponding note is C.
• Deals with grounding and physical identity.
• Body parts are legs, feet, bones, with the adrenal gland, large intestine, blood and building of cells. 
• Malfunctions include obesity, anorexia, sciatica and constipation.

Swadhisthana  

• is located bellow the navel and above the gentitals
• It's color is orange, corresponding note is D.
• Deals with sexuality and emotional identity.
• Body parts are gonads, womb, genitals, kidney, bladder and lower back. 
• Malfunctions include sexual and urinary problems.

Manipura

• is located by the solar plexus.
• It's color is yellow, corresponding note is E (if you haven't already, you will start to notice a pattern here)
• Deals with will power and self esteem
• Body parts include pancreas, adrenals, digestive system, liver and gall bladder.
• Malfunctions can be digestive problems, chronic fatigue and hypertension.

 Anahata

• is located by the heart.
• It's color is green, it's corresponding note is F.
• Deals with feelings of unconditional love.
• Body parts are thymus, heart, lungs, circulatory system, arms and harnds.
• Malfunctions include asthma, coronary disease and lung disease.

Vissuha

• is located in the throat..
• It's color is blue, corresponding note is G.
• Deals with communication.
• Body parts include thyroid, parathyroid, throat, ears and mouth, neck and shoulders.
• Malfunctions yield sore throats, neck and shoulder pain, and thyroid trouble.

Ajna

• is located at the third eye.
• It's color is indigo, corresponding note is A.
• Deals with imagination, perception and intuition.
• Body parts are pineal gland, eyes, base of skull and brow.
• Malfunctions include vision problems, headaches and nightmares.

Sahasrara

• is located at the crown of your head.
• It's color is violet and white.
• Deals with spirituality.
• Body parts include pituitary glands, the central nervous system, and the cerebral cortex.
• Malfunction of this chakra are depression, alienation and confusion.

This really is just scratching the surface, but it's a basic overview.

Dealing with depression

I have dealt with depression for a lot of my life.  I'm not sure when or how it started.  As a child I had a hard time with school and interacting with other children.  I learned my own coping mechanisms, and a lot of them weren't healthy.  I would often withdraw, and since then I've learned that becoming isolated only makes it harder to live life.  I would also hurt myself.  At first it was calming and a something to focus on.  I imagine it to be more like an OCD way of thought.  After a while I wasn't always in control.  It became dangerous, it became more like (if not) an addiction.

Important things I have learned.

Listening to my own thoughts for too long would lead to a negative spiral.  The longer I spent by myself the harder it became to interact with people.  There was more self doubt and social anxieties than there were initially.  Also, all those things that were avoided have piled up.  Now I might give myself 15 minutes to feel crappy, but then it's business as usually.  Fake it until you make it. 

I am not alone.  Some one understands what I am feeling.  Poor self esteem and/or the idea that no one else has ever felt this way is bullshit, besides, I'm not a starving artist.  In a way, it's vain.  It's not all about me.  There is no respect in a pity party.  And by denying anyone could understand can keep a person from defining it clearly.  If I don't understand it myself, how can I fix it. 

I have people in my life who are willing to listen.  I am not emo, by any means.  I'm not saying to bitch and moan about everything to anyone who will listen, but it's okay to vent.  Today things built up, so I walked to my parents' and hung out with the baby for a few hours.  My work is still waiting for me. (As are the chores and other things on my to do list.)  Sometimes I'll call a good friend.  She is very understanding.  It took me 6 years of our friendship for me to realize that I don't have to feel guilty about talking about my problems with her.  If I only listen I am hurting our relationship.  It shows a lack of connection and trust if I don't open up in return.

Distraction works.  I find reading or going for a walk can do wonders. 

For a while I looked up to certain artists who lead a rough life.  Who were obviously lonely and depressed.  I can admire their work with out feeling the need to live like them.  They may be famous, but there is nothing fantastic about living a life feeling wretched all the time, even if they are admired.

I have the ability to change the pattern of my thoughts.  One day I was fed-up and thought Screw this.  That little burst of defiant anger was enough to pull me out of it.  It was incredibly liberating.  It was difficult to duplicate because in the moment it's hard to think clearly or rationally, or even to remember the things that help.  Now when I remember to (notes help) I use this as a tool.  I am not helpless.

By finding old writings when I was cleaning out my room once I noticed I've felt this way before!  I was able to see a pattern.  Now I tell myself this isn't forever.  I now know some of my triggers and how to avoid them or at least recognize them for what they are. Maybe keep some sort of a journal to understand yourself better.


~~~~~

I've been having higher levels of stress these last couple of days.  It's lead to relationship issues as well.  I was feeling quite miserable, so I decided to write this.  In doing so I reminded myself of those things above.  I don't feel like a million dollars now, but I am not feeding those poetically dark thoughts.  Now, time to deal with a few necessities. 




Here's a website I came across: http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
It mentions a few of the things I listed, but has some new ones like managing stress and exercise.  It also has quite a few suggestions for what to do to accomplish the tips listed.


If depression has burdened you, I am sorry.  I do believe you are strong enough to overcome it.  Don't resign yourself to living a life with depression.  You can be happy.  Reiki, meditation and some shamanic work has helped me believe it.

Tools for Meditation

There are many forms of meditation, which it great.  I tend to lose focus easily, and with so many resources it's easy to find ones that work best for me, and I can adapt or combine them.  Many times I incorporate the Reiki symbols and chakras into my meditations.


Many times I focus on my breathing as well as another meditation technique.  I am pretty good at multi-tasking, so just paying attention to my breath isn't sufficient (for me) to quiet my mind.  Also, it's pretty important to make sure you are able to make sure you understand and are capable of diaphragmatic breathing.  Besides being good for meditation there are other benefits.  Sitting with a good posture and breathing properly makes sure your organs get the oxygen they need.  You'll feel better, over all, and spend less time sick.  It's also a good tool to use for anxiety and anger. 


Another good tool for meditation is mudras.  I personally haven't used them often, but now that I'm going over the literature I have I'm going to make an effort to try a few of them out.  Mudras are hand positions that are like "switches" for energy circulation.  Different mudras activate different parts of your energy field.  If you are new to meditation and/or mudras I would recommend one for grounding (or being present.)

The Chinmaya Mudra is where the thumb touches the side of the index finger while the rest of the fingers are folded in, touching the palm.  The is good for awareness, and stimulating the energies connected to respiratory functions.  Usually hands are placed on the lap or knees.

i

I came across a gallery of other mudras.  I haven't examined the site too thoroughly yet, but it looks good.


Mantras are good for keeping focus.  I would recommend doing more research on them, maybe youtube videos to hear how your voices should be, more coming from your gut than your throat.  The idea is you say them over and over, and it helps you focus your intent to the subject of the mantra.  It also can be used as a prayer (from my understanding of it.)  If you find mantras are good for you, look into mala beads, even make your own (you can even use those pony beads.)  In a away they are similar to rosary beads.  they help you keep track counting your mantras.  Traditionally I think you should say they mantra 108 times, twice a day.

Here are a few mantras I have worked with:

Good for connection to higher self .
Om Gum Gurubyo Swaha
(Ome-Goom-Goo-roo-bee-you-Swa-ha)

To remove obstacles.
Om Gum Gana Patyei Namaha
(ome-goom-gah-nah-pot-ee-ay-nam-a-ha)

For abundance.
Om Shrim maha lakshmei yei swaha
(ome-shreem-ma-ha-lockshmee-ee-ay-swa-ha)

For protection.
Om Dum Durga yei namaha.

I didn't write the pronunciation down, so i guess just refer to the above...

For some other simple mantras that may better fit you... google them!


I have to get ready for work, but I hope at least some of this information was helpful!

Overview on Reiki

I am a Reiki practitioner.  I love it.  I sometimes have a hard time explaining it to people who aren't familiar with what it is.  It's a (originally) Japanese healing modality.  It works with energy.  Unlike other energy work (which, to be honest, I'm not very familiar with) it doesn't drain the practitioner's prana (Sanskrit for vital life), or energy.  It is not a religion, and does not require a religion. 

Reiki is a a form of spiritual healing that helps to harmonize the body, mind and spirit.  It strengthens the immune system, relieves pain, clears toxins (you may pee a lot after a treatment), reduces stress, promotes personal awareness and creativity, and aids meditation and positive thinking.  All that holistically.  For those of you thinking yeah, right, there are studies.  A few hospitals near me have Reiki programs for their oncology patients.  Reiki yields a higher hematocrit and hemoglobin levels (having to do with red blood cells) in patients.  There was a study done where the experimental group received Reiki training, and the control group received no training. Those who didn't not receive Reiki training in one differences.  My friend who is a nurse said that one doesn't see changes like those in the study without the aid of medication.   I've seen it work first hand.  Some of the results seemingly amazing.

Reiki is by no means new age, it just became more popular in the US over the last decades.  I can understand why some people think it's for ladies with too many cats and very nearly off their rockers'.  I've met those women, too.  I think they are more vocal about it, or more noticeable, and that's where some people make their judgments from.  But remember, not every democrat is as obnoxious as Michael Moore. He makes some good points, but then proceeds to go a little over the top.

What I don't like is the schools that just give the days lesson and the certification.  The woman who has attuned me has said she will ask a few questions and suggest that maybe one isn't ready for the master-teacher certification.  I prefer it that way.  She won't just take the money and fully certify someone who isn't certified.  And there are different lineages.  I've met people who will not put their hands on the recipient.


Since I have started my Reiki training I have become a happier person.  I don't practice as often as I ought to, but any amount is beneficial.  The thing that started this post for me was the intention to relate the

Gokai from Mikao Usui, or 5 Reiki principles.

Just for today,

       do not be angry,

Do not worry,

       And be filled with gratitude,

Devote yourself to work,

      And be kind to people.

                                          Another version:

Just for today

    Do not anger

    Do not worry

    Be humble

    Be honest in your work

Be compassionate to yourself and others

A Different Perspective

With the world (at least near me) being such a busy place it's no wonder unhealthy levels of stress plague many of the people I come encounter with.  Meditation can help us keep perspective.  Someone wasn't driving like a complete prick just to piss me off.  I personally have found that driving doesn't need to be unpleasant.  If I'm stuck in traffic instead of getting out of sorts I turn up the radio and have some more "me time" where I have no obligations.  Really, there is nothing I can do to change it.  We shouldn't stress about the little things we can not change.  (After all, I only get home 10 minutes later.)

Same thing with social interactions.  A girl at work was talking about me, rather unkindly, to the other girls.  She took it personally that in conversation with one of the doctors I work for I made a suggestion (having nothing to do with her.)  She said I had gone behind her back (she was the office manager - and it wasn't anything I hadn't talked about with her) and that I couldn't be trusted (that I was trying to get some of the other girls in trouble.)  I strongly recommend that you do not friend your boss on FB.  She even posted nasty things on my wall.  Needless to say I was upset.  And by upset I mean going on 45minute long rants with anyone who'd listen and fuming when I wasn't bitching for 3 days.  I was incredibly stressed and miserable.

I can't remember what article I came across on the internet, or I'd post it here.  It changed everything for me.  It pretty much said that practically NOTHING is personal.  They way another person behaves is based on how their circumstances shaped them.  In this case, really, I had done nothing wrong.  Did I have the right to be angry?  Sure, I did.  But how can it be healthy to let that rule my life?  My job wasn't in jeopardy, so I began to let it go.  When I hear that she is telling people things about me I still get mad.  But I let it go after the first 10 minutes.  I still relay the events to others, but instead of going on a rampage I keep it to the facts with a can-you-believe-what-****-she-is attitude.

Another thing that article mentioned was that on the other hand, when we get upset by something another person has done, it is our own hang-up.  If somebody called us a three eyed green monster (or it said something to that effect) we'd probably just laugh it off.  But, if they call us a liar or a bitch, we react because of guilt (even if we haven't lied in that circumstance, but maybe another) or we care of what the people who hear it will think.  That was an eye opener for me. 

Stress makes it harder to overcome illnesses, and in some cases can even cause them; High blood pressure, heart disease, etc.  I know one woman whose kidneys can't produce adrenalin anymore.  We shouldn't let ourselves get to that point.  One thing I am working on is trying to meditate regularly.  Meditation can significantly lowers the risk for heart disease, make decision-making an easier task and teach us how to control our (negative) thoughts.  Meditation helps us to be present, or grounded.  By being in the moment we are not worried about things that happened, or things that may happen.  I find that appealing.  By not being preoccupied we have more time to dedicate to our interests and hobbies (and in some cases, get interests and hobbies.)  It can foster creativity, where before there was anxiety.

Meditation helps a person find purpose in life.  By have a quiet mind we can find answers to questions we may have thought fleetingly.  It can offer happiness an understanding.

Motivation

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
—Zig Ziglar


I was reading this article on how to get/stay motivated.  In the comments I came across some goal management sites.  I know my fiance is a huge fan of check lists, our drawers and surfaces become littered with them.  The problem with paper is it's easy to lose, and hard to edit with out starting over.

http://www.goalspalpal.com 
This site was good for a to do list, managing chores and projects.  You have the ability to add steps to each goal, and it has the intelligence to say, okay, here is what is next.  I think I would have liked it better if I hadn't seen the next site first.

http://www.goalhappy.com/
This site was cool because it was set up for daily, weekly and monthly goals.  It looked like the goals were reoccurring ones, so not good for one time items, unless you wanted to edit them out after completion.  As for creating and breaking habits it looked awesome.  Like meditating 15 minutes daily, drinking no more than 2 sugary drinks a week, etc.  Even cooler, if you have one of those smart phones, it had a free app to download.  You also had the option to share you success with friends to get further encouragement, or to be held more accountable.

                                                                              I wish there was a way to combine the two above ones!

http://www.goalsontrack.com/ 
this one has a free trial.  It looks like there are a lot of management options, including graphs.  Some one with true issues in time management and organization may get overwhelmed with the options, but some one who is just improving their productivity would most likely do well.  I think this product would best benefit someone who is already pretty highly motivated, but I haven't tried this one.

I have learned.

I StumbledUpon this.

words to live by: i have learned

"I Have Learned"

Kathy Kane Henson

 

I don't take credit for these bits of wisdom, I added my own comments in this lilac color.  I plan on sharing things I find to be helpful to keep me mindful, and to see the world for how it really is.  I picked my favorites, full link at the bottom.  Some I may write down and post on a wall, mirror, in my car or drawer to remind myself.  If I really need to work on something, or it strikes me particularly I put it on my nightstand so I see it first thing and last thing every day. 

I've learned 

that sometimes when I'm angry, 

I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

One thing that I only learned recently was that it's okay to be angry sometimes. I have a right to be angry! that was very enlightening for me. There are plenty of times I have felt guilty for being angry, or buried it only to have it blow up later. There are also times I direct my anger wrongly, and that's not fair. Especially because it usually would be taken out on the people I care about the most.

I've learned 

that we are responsible for what we do, 

no matter how we feel.

I've learned 

that no matter how much I care, 

 some people just don't care back.

So why waste my time and energy where it's not welcomed or wanted? I still feel a twinge, but it has helped me let a lot of things go.

I've learned 

that it's not what you have in your life 

 but who you have in your life that counts. 

Couldn't be more true.

I've learned 

that you shouldn't compare yourself 

 to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. 

Easier said than done...

I've learned 

that it's not what happens to people that's important. 

 It's what they do about it.

I've learned 

that it's taking me a long time 

 to become the person I want to be.

I've learned 

that it's a lot easier to react 

 than it is to think.

I understand this... but am no where close to thinking before I react in a heated moment.

I've learned 

that it isn't always enough 

to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn 

to forgive yourself.

I think that you need to be able to forgive yourself.  Otherwise a person can't forgive others as easily.

I've learned 

that our background and circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

If a child is beaten and grows up in horrible circumstances it is understandable if they grow up angry, but not excusable.  Especially if they are equally as horrible to their children.  At some point we become responsible for our own actions.

I've learned 

that it's hard to determine

where to draw the line

between being nice and

not hurting people's feelings

and standing up for what you believe.

http://www.positivelypresent.com/2010/09/words-to-live-by-i-have-learned.html

Some AWESOME quotes I have come across.

"People are of different spiritual temperaments and therefore will approach God in different ways." -- Huston Smith          I believe that every religion is right.  That we all pray to the same god. (or even gods.)  I understand that I can not comprehend God (everyone uses this, so it's just easier), and think I understand God better for that reason.

"truth is everyone 's going to hurt you, you just have to find the one worth suffering for." -Bob Marley         No one is perfect. 

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." -The Dalai Lama               On FB I'm a fan of Random acts of Kindness.  They have awesome quotes like this one. 
...
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details." - Albert Einstein

"I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart." -Anne Frank        When I saw this I was floored (no need to worry,  I mean it figuratively.)  If she could feel this way I can get over that asshole who cut me off on my way to work.

"Treat the other man's faith gently; it is all he has to believe with. His mind was created for his own thoughts, not yours or mine." -Henry S. Haskins          I have a hard time explaining my spiritual feelings sometimes.  These quotes appeal to me because it cuts down the time of trying to explain, and it get's the thought across simply.

"What the mind sees clearly, the heart often clouds. Things happen as they happen..." Melanie Rawn.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde            Kind of a smack in my face.  Ok, I'm paying attention. 

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." Albert Einstein        

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." -Albert Einstein

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." Ralph Waldo Emerson         

Introduction

When I was in elementary school I was picked on relentlessly.  I came home crying nearly every day.  My mom would try to get me to stand up for myself, but I'd reply with a response to the effect of that's not nice.

I spent a while letting people walk all over me.  I struggled with depression and poor self esteem growing up.  That turned into a certain amount of anger over time.  By the time I reached high school I adopted a f*ck this attitude, and made friends with people who were more like me.  I was in the "freak" category, and had a blast.

I am an independent thinker.  I think we all should be.  I think it's important to notice when things just aren't right;  Like skinny jeans and natural gas fracking being exempt from drinking water laws.  Instead, too many of  us live a mindless day at work to pay for endless hours of TV and pay for garbage we may never used that was produced by enslaved children.  Most people are ignorant of the things that make our lives the way it is.

I'm not much into politics, but I like to be aware.  And I want to become more aware of my daily life.  You know, make my life happen, instead of just reacting to life happening to me.  I need to become more "grounded" and get a little more balance in my life. 

Sometimes I may come across as a new-age-whatever.  I don't like the stereotype that goes out with certain things (like I'm a Reiki practitioner and am trying to meditate.)  But that can't be helped because there are a lot of love-and-light nut-jobs out there that have 10 cats, crystal balls, and are more focused on themselves and how "enlightened" they are than the world around them.  I almost typed no offense, but I realized, I don't really give a shit.

Anyway, I guess this blog will be mostly about the progress I am trying to make as a person.  I don't want to end up like those bitter, catty, middle aged women I have worked with.  I want a chance to enjoy life, and to have a stronger spiritual connection.  I don't want to waste energy by being upset by things that really shouldn't matter.