As I got to middle school I became resentful. Anger piled up on top of the sadness. I even started to embrace the sadness. The gaping hole of loneliness was filling my life.
Come high school I was just weird. I didn't want to care anymore. Other kids who hadn't fit in started to flock together. We were proud of our quirks. We were proud of our "independent thinking." There were kids in this group who were just desperate to fit in somewhere, and there were kids in the group who just never made it to the next level of life 10 years later. (Some of whom still living in Mom's basement, spending their pay-checks on partying, etc.)
Come graduation people were drifting away to different lives. I was pretty much alone again, and it dawned on me. We were just another click. Some of these "independent thinkers" were just faking it. We weren't different from any other adolescent (part of my still twinges at admitting it), we were just doing what every other kid was doing in a different way.
I have always mostly had acquaintances. I am not quick to consider people friends. I have learned to weed people out, for my own good. It's a hard lesson to learn, and it hurts to cut people off. But it get's easier. It improved the quality of my life. And looking back, what was my whole life is now insignificant.
Here are a few things I've learned:
- Being different is good. It gives another perspective, allows us to make our own choices, and we aren't held to society's norms in the same way as other people.
- Loneliness is a good opportunity to get to know yourself better. Instead of dwelling on what you're lacking, or being consumed by the hurt- take the opportunity to listen to yourself. WHY do you feel this way? WHAT could make you feel better? WHO can you see making your life better? WHERE do you want to be in life?
- Don't waste time and energy on people who drain you and will never give back. Take the time to explore other friendships to see if they'll make it to the next level. Put the energy you would have wasted in anxiety, anger, depression (etc) from those relationships and use it to show gratitude towards other people in your life.
- Take time to explore YOUR interests. It took me over 20 years to figure out what "my music" was because I always let other people pick. Want to learn Japanese? Sign up for a class. Like Tai Chi or tennis or whatever? Just do it. You only have so long to live. This also makes us more independent. If we have our own lives we don't depend so much on others.
- We are responsible for our own happiness. Easier said than done, but it's true. Blaming others is just keeping us in the same state, feeling the same way. Stop bitching and be happy.